Thursday, 15 March 2012

Gateway to the Soul

If your eyes are the gateway to the soul, I have a very strict door policy. Also known as my glasses. Some people say they have milk bottles - I have triple glazing. I have worn glasses forever (don't judge me by my mullet...)

I've never met anyone with as bad eyesight as me. If people try on my glasses they describe it as being the most pis**d they have ever been...fantastic, best night you've ever had...just remove the specs! About 18 months ago a friend of mine had eye surgery more effective than laser surgery (it lasts forever, not 10 years) and they can do it for people with really bad astigmatisms. This is one of my slew of problems, instead of being spherical my eyes are the shape of rugby balls, which means contact lenses don't play ball and slip all over the place blinding you until they reline. In my case they don't even do this.

I had been curious about the surgery, known as intraocular lens replacement. They basically remove your faulty lens and replace it with effectively a permanent contact lens based on your prescription - that doesn't have the opportunity to slip around. Nerves were the thing holding back from taking the plunge. I didn't know if I could go through with someone literally injecting your eye to numb it, then slicing it open, taking out a bit of my eye then replacing it with a foreign body.

I put it on my list of things to do in 2011, but didn't get around to it/was still too much of a wimp. In 2012 I decided this was my year. I was going to be free from glasses, buy loads of sunglasses and maybe change my hairstyle. After speaking to the friend who had it done and being reassured I wouldn't be horrified by the procedure I booked in for a consultation at Optical Express Harley Street.
Even weeks out of my appointment I was nervous. I had to have dilation eye drops. I am honestly a massive wimp when it comes to eyes and drops are my idea of a nightmare. On the day I was actually feeling OK about it all. After reading more about it I was hyped up that I could go through with it. Although I knew there was a possibility I wouldn't be suitable it didn't really cross my mind.

We headed off to the surgery and were called in fairly promptly after 4 pages of form filling on detailed family history and medical ailments dating back to the 1800's. First off we watched a video (horror movie) telling you how safe it is etc. etc. Then it was time for the dreaded glaucoma test...why can a puff of air be so scary? I was very proud that I managed three whole puffs in each eye, that is definitely a record.

Next up it was a general eye test and lots of eye measurements. This is where it all started to go wrong. I was deemed unsuitable. Was it due to my epic astigmatism? No. My massive farsightedness and high prescription? No. The chamber that holds my lens is too shallow. Excuse me what?! What chamber? I didn't even know I had one let alone that it would provide another eye problem to add to my extensive list.
Just breaking up with another glasses pic...this dress is probably back in fashion
It was only at this point I realised how much I REALLY wanted the surgery. I had picked a date to have it done and everything, being told in the first consultation I could be glasses free in as little as 4 weeks. Gutted isn't the word. They then left me in a corridor where I had the joy of watching successful candidates go in and come out of their surgery with their lives being changed forever. Salt, wounds, thank you very much.

So, I am deemed to be a glasses wearer for life. No treatment known to man can cure me. The good news? My eye site will go on to deteriorate until I'm about 40 where I'll probably need cataract replacement surgery. Lovely, my chamber isn't too small for that then.
Who says you can't party avec bins?
If you have made it this far into this post congratulations - rant over. If you have read this far because you are considering similar surgery here's the info. If you're thinking about laser the max prescription they do is +4.5 (if you know your prescription).

This was intended to be a series of posts on the progression of surgery and changing of life. Unfortunately that won't be happening.
Pin It Now!

No comments:

Post a Comment